


Routine

by Coordinator



Series: the deer and the wolf [2]
Category: Lobotomy Corporation (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, because tbh everyone falls in love with carmen, but it's important., faint hints of one-sided michelle/carmen, this is what they call an intermezzo.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:27:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coordinator/pseuds/Coordinator
Summary: I want to be the sort of person who never regrets the past.
Series: the deer and the wolf [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1612921
Comments: 9
Kudos: 10





	Routine

"About this paper."  
  
He waved the stapled report in the air, aggressively, and she shivered in her chair.  
  
"... It's **good.** "  
  
Then, he slammed the paper down upon the table, which was amusing because it didn't make much of a noise at all.  
And he left, his coat fluttering behind him, and it took Michelle maybe fifteen minutes to process what had happened.

Ever since she'd started working at this place, life had changed.  
On most days she could forget the past, and forget everything she'd ever promised anyone.  
It felt amazing. Like she was needed. Like she was _valued._  
  
But still, he'd watched her, that man. Ayin? What sort of name was Ayin? Ayin, Ayin, Ayin.  
Maybe he saw right through her, but Michelle had long since stopped caring about that. In her mind, she was creating an elabourate play, one where she might manage to exploit two kinds of people, and emerge above them - triumphant and beautiful.  
Then, nobody would have to suffer, and people could look up at her.  
  
(... Mentally, it was okay if they had to look down. She didn't mind being short, just shivering so much.)  
  
All the corridors in the upper levels here were coloured a calming blue; Ayin's shadow had once mentioned politely that it was designed to encourage peacefulness and tranquility, or something.  
She'd wanted to say something snappy, but...  
  
It might have been true.  
  
And like always, she just said "oh, that's nice, thank you..." or something akin to it, her eyes watery and teary and enormous.  
The funny thing was, they rarely did that when she felt scared or betrayed, anymore.  
It just happened, without any ability to control it.  
  
She sighed, and pulled the oversized labcoat close around her. It was the only spare they'd had!  
And it was too big for her!  
... Dangit...

Far below, on the second level, there was a large synthetic tree. Michelle had wondered if it was supposed to symbolise something, but she was fundamentally a person without curiousity.  
If someone had meant something by having one of those popular fake trees, surely they'd tell her.  
She was just staring at it as an excuse, anyway.  
  
Below, two men and three women were listening intently to a fourth woman.  
The only woman who mattered in the entire facility.  
Her hair was dark brown, but you'd be forgiven for calling it fire.  
  
When she smiled, it was like a devil had stolen your soul, and replaced it with something terrible, something wonderful, something that only the two of you shared.  
  
She wasn't classically beautiful, not like the fashionable girls in the magazines Ms. Elijah had foisted on her.  
Honestly, she looked so tired, most days. Much like _that_ guy, only in a way that she hid better, somehow. Like she distorted reality with just a confident wink and a promise of hope.

Yet she was always the brightest light in the room, the person who's soul made you feel as if you were the only other person alive.  
Maybe she realised the effect she had on people, maybe not. But everyone watched when her slim fingers drifted back along her ponytail, and everyone listened when she explained her research as easily and breathlessly as if it had been made of sunlight, too.  
Sighing, Michelle lay back, and stared up at the skylights.  
  
"Can I do this..."  
  
'This.'  
  
There were multiple things she wanted to do.  
She wanted to be praised, by Carmen. She wanted Carmen to tell her that it had been a gamble to hire her, but she was smart, truly smart. Capable, too. Maybe...  
If Carmen had said something casually, like: "I even like how you look, next to me. Gosh, I just, ehehe, really think you look amazing!"  
  
That would have been pleasant.  
  
But she also wanted to live up to her own goals.  
She also wanted to see if she could do it.  
Not because... Someone expected her compliance.  
Or a promise she'd made.  
  
Part of her wanted to be the reason that this whole facility was destroyed, forever. And people might watch her leave, tiny little Michelle, and -  
  
"W, wahahaha, what sort of expression is that? You look like you're about strain your cheeks, missy!"  
  
**Carmen had snuck up on her.**  
  
Michelle nearly flew into the sunlight, only managing to lay back against the rails as a kind of defence mechanism.  
She wondered if she looked cool, knowing full well that she only looked nervous and child-like.  
  
"I, er, er, I was just... Thinking about how nice it was to finally get a passing grade from Ayin!"  
  
"Oho, he's starting to take a shine to you? Nice, nice! I'll tell you a secret, though - he's always believe in you, yep! He's just a grumbler, a lot of the time."  
  
Casually, without any sense of personal space, Carmen walked over and pet her head.  
...  
  
Wiggling out of her grasp, Michelle noticed how distractedly Carmen did it; clearly, thinking about something else.  
Someone else. Perhaps multiple people.  
Even though Michelle resented - many things, she decided she didn't resent anything that brought out such a sad frown.  
  
"Are you... All right, Ms. Carmen?"  
  
"Hmn? Oh, yeah, absolutely, one-hundred percent! Just - were you looking at the tree, earlier?"  
  
"Sort of..."  
  
"I think even a synthetic tree probably wants to live."  
  
Carmen's soft smile didn't quite fill her face.  
This was - strange. Not the Carmen she was used to.  
Michelle shivered, feeling as if she'd seen something she wasn't supposed to see, and relishing in it.  
  
"Well, I guess it must seem silly that we put such high hopes on this place, but it's why I want you to remember that I'm always in your corner. When things get tough, you just have to keep going, no matter what. You can't ever let the people who look up to you down."  
  
"As a friend?"  
  
"Hmn?"  
  
"There's a lot of ways to be in somebody's corner, you know."  
  
Michelle squeaked, hating how her voice broke, a bit.  
Carmen's frown faded, as if she'd never even considered the possibility - or had, and Michelle didn't know what to think.  
  
"It doesn't matter, really. When you need me, I'll be there. When you call on me, I'll be there! Just like for anyone, I'll do what I need to do, to protect your cute lil' smile!"  
  
And once more, Carmen's melancholy had faded, subsumed by the person she tried to be.  
Whom she was.  
Michelle's jealously knew no bounds, and yet she wished more than _anything_ she'd known what to say to extend the moment a bit longer, to help _Carmen_ , to see more of her...  
  
"R, right... I'll try to live up to what you expect of me."  
  
"Awwwwww, that's boring! You just live up to _you,_ and that'll be enough. Oo! I think there's karoake night, you should go, Benjamin has a _beautiful_ singing voice - "  
  
Her excitement was genuine, not fake.  
Michelle had to come up with multiple excuses, not to attend.  
  
She wasn't sure why she did. It sounded _fun._  
  
But going would have destroyed her willpower, the proof she was live.  
If she was to live up to herself, that meant that she had to follow through with this. For her sake - for nobody else.  
And yet...  
  
Why, now, of all times...  
With all the pain that the Associations and the Organisations and humanity caused each other, all her ineffectual rage...  
  
Had she suddenly lost all desire to do what she had to do?  
To be free? To feel alive?  
  
Outside, the night was filled with stars on a coat as black as a dream of the sea.  
  
She spent several days' pay on one of the private emergency lines that you could find in the Nest, designed to make one-way calls to the Wings.  
  
"Could we... Meet up..."  
  
"Of course," Garion answered smoothly, and ended the call.

**Author's Note:**

> Despite not being a romantic fic in and of itself, it sets up what I want to do with part 3. My process is such that I usually know everything before I start writing. It's why I can write so quickly, but, the thing is, even still I'm not writing as quickly as I could if I could just, uh, hook my brain up to a tin can? Truly, the Sephirot life sounds pretty great...
> 
> Personally, it's easy to think that somebody who betrays you is a terrible person.  
> Maybe it's even true.  
> But have you ever had a moment where you're torn between two things you like, even love...
> 
> And neither of them mean as much to you as what you'd like, but suddenly, you aren't even sure if _that_ is real, either..?
> 
> Perhaps things will be different.  
> Interestingly enough, I think this also dovetails nicely with my Heroic Monk drabble.  
> Michelle is actually Kannon?! woah, that's some deep lore


End file.
